I was raised in a mainstream protestant church accompanied by the sanitized Sunday School versions of Noah, Sampson and Moses. It all seemed nice but my young neurotic mind was not calmed with the fear of hell; suffering and injustice; or why evil exists. These topics were never addressed. After high school my concerns were calmed after being introduced to biblical fundamentalism. That was the answer. Standing firm on every word and promise in scripture would establish my confidence and rightful place as a Christian. That would take a twist once I started listening to word-faith charismatics preachers on TV. My young male ego loved Kenneth Copeland's teaching on the authority of the believer. Once I bring my faith level up a notch and remove some sin and I'll soon be moving mountains! Praise God! It was at my word-faith church where a visiting prophet pastor told me that I'm called to the ministry. Without questioning it I finished out my second year at a state college that I was plenty happy with and moved 500 miles away to attend an accredited pentecostal school. I harbored unrealistic expectations that I'd walk into a utopia of enlightened staff and student environment. That didn't happen. Compared to the state college I left, there was a lot disingenuousness, pettiness and role-playing. This school did, however, steer me away from hyper-charismatic teachings as they considered it heresy. Also, they addressed some questions from my childhood - hell, suffering, injustice, and discrepancies in the bible. Problem was, none of it stood up under the light of skepticism. I now assumed my questions had no answers. Feeling less enthusiastic about my faith by graduation, I pursued work in HHS instead of church ministry. Still called myself a Christian but didn't want to deal with the unresolved issues so mentally shelved it for years. Then I happened upon a YouTube deconversion story where the person asked, 'how would the outcome of my prayers have changed if I'd been praying to a jug of milk instead of God?' This sparked me to pursue broader questions. It took time, but am now I'm fine with saying I don't see evidence of a God; don't need to claim knowledge of the origins of the universe; don't need divine appointment to find purpose; and don't need an immortal soul to appreciate this life I have.